memory part 3

My impressions on how people seemed to be coping with the past.

Are they forgetting/putting aside in order to move on or are they living or coping with the past so they can live to see something be done about it? What thoughts about colonialism and post-colonialism? To think that colonialism can have such a legacy upon a people. When we look at world history as a whole, it becomes obvious that colonialism was one of the strongest historical forces that changed the fate of modern society. A lot of the problems we now deal with today are direct consequences of the historical past. In many cases, genocides and war are closely related to a history of colonial rule and the ethnic and social tensions that rose during or after the period of colonization. Funny thing is that it seems though, that the colonized are not so aware, or do not care to analyze their situation in such historical terms. And it makes me wonder whether these theoretical ponderings are also a western approach to engaging with the other world. We look it as subjects of analysis and take a formulaic approach to try to understand them. Instead of learning by association, by fully immersing oneself into a culture and their habits, we go there with pen and paper, being the mindful and careful anthropologists we were well trained to be. To me the setup is less than genuine, and even tragic in some ways. So is it impossible for the west to ‘observe’ or ‘study’ a culture or phenomenon in the east without subscribing to (perpetuating?) this dynamic? I guess this is what I realized when I was there and what made me shake in distaste. Although not purely anthropological, my project was to still, to solicit their opinion, record it, and bring it back to ‘my world’ for show.

But should I be that harsh to myself? Setting aside what it looks like theoretically from the outside, I as an individual had better intent than that. I was aware of this pitfall, but hoped I could, as a student of such modern dilemmas, approach the Timorese from the their side of the looking glass. I meant to say that I was one of them and I was willing to fight the ivory tower with them. I meant to tell them that I understand their dilemmas and frustrations and that I would be a part of their voice. For the time that I was there, I wanted to set aside my own theoretical suspicions in order to take them for who they were. But regardless of what I “meant” to do, amidst the continuing force of global order, the most I could do was merely to confront reality, but not so far as to change the status quo. During interviews I often found myself drifting off into a lament about the set-up of the current world order, of how the third world is made to be accountable to the first but not vice versa. Also, of how violent it is that these people are asked to tell their stories for our interpretation of their situation…


To all of you that have encouraged and (much too hastily) congratulated me on my efforts to bring their voices up on our terms, our stage, our podium, how am I supposed to tell you that many Timorese asked for monetary compensation in return for their personal stories? Their attitude was that they were doing me a service and I should pay for the service. I was acutely shocked when I was asked it, but then I wondered, why not? Researchers come there all the time asking for the locals’ favor to finish their dissertation paper or a report for the NGO they work at, but the Timorese are left with nothing, less an empty heart. This is precisely the reasoning the solicitors brought forth. And in cases of desperation, we all know that saving face takes no precedent. How can we place shame on someone’s decision to capitalize on something, when that means having food for his family for a week? This is what I mean, when I say theory is so irrelevant when it comes down to the fundamentals. Dangling meat in front of starving people is unethical only to those that have the leisure to ponder the morality of such an act.